Self-consciousness

I got a haircut this morning. I could tell that the beautician seemed to think that my hair maybe was a little out of control. Now my hair has always tended to grow out rather than down, if you know what I mean. It wants to curl, and up until about two years ago, I was vigilant to make sure it either didn't curl much or at least it curled in the direction I wanted it to go.

Well, in the summer of 2011, I saw  two of my cousins, Annette and Jan, both of whom have very curly hair. They had good haircuts, rather short, and their hair curled into tiny, soft ringlets. Ever since, I have been coaxing my own hair to look like that. Well, mine is not quite as curly, and so at least half the time, it just looks big and bushy. But you know what? I don't care. I really don't. I DON'T CARE! (I am saying this with a smile.) I believe I am past trying to make it do what it doesn't want to do. It's really quite a liberating feeling. I just want it to be clean and to feel soft. I don't want any shiners, or de-frizzers, or mousse, or wax, or any other leave-in product. It's just au natural for me.

You know, self-consciousness is a stifling trait. It makes us stiff and tentative. It hinders us from trying new things for fear of looking stupid or worse, failing entirely. It may tempt us to jealousy or petty squabbles in order to save face.Self-consciousness makes us agonize over past actions and words we have spoken. Oh, don't get me wrong, we need to confess our sins to God as well as to those we've offended. But once that is done, we must stop thinking about ourselves. What a thought!

Primping is not a fruit of the Spirit. Neither is fretting, regretting, nor resentment. And so if my day is under the Holy Spirit's control, I will focus on Christ, on His wonderful love for me, on His sacrifice on my behalf, on His Word. And what I experience as a result will be  love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

I Don't Have That Kind of Time

I recently read the book, Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott. She relates an anecdote in which she is on a shopping trip with her friend Pammy who is dying of cancer. Anne tries on a dress which is unlike the big, baggy clothes she usually chooses. It fits perfectly, but Anne stood there "feeling very shy and self-conscious and pleased." Then I (Anne) said, 'Do you think it makes my hips look too big?' and she (Pammy) said to me slowly, 'Annie? I really don't think you have that kind of time.'" (p. 170)

And you know what? I don't have that kind of time either. I don't have time to procrastinate the things that I want to do. I don't have time to be ruled by the perfectionist tyrant. I don't have time for petty squabbles and idle arguments. I don't have time to try to pacify people who can't be pleased, who are negative and disapproving. I don't have time to nurse hurt feelings. I don't have time to regret past sins of which I have repented or poor decisions I have made or failures to act because of my own weakness. I don't even have time to regret the time I've wasted! I'll never get it back so I have to try to make the best use of the time I have left. And so what is the best use? I think it's easier to determine what it's not, than what it is. I know it's not to agonize over what people think of me or expect of me. Ms. Lamott goes on to say, "I don't think you have time to waste not writing because you are afraid you won't be good enough at it,..." (p. 170)

James asks the question, "What is your life?" And he answers the question too. "It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away." (James 4:14)  Peter puts it this way, "For all flesh is as grass, and all the glory of man as the flower of grass. The grass withereth, and the flower thereof falleth away; But the word of the Lord endureth for ever..." My problem is that I don't want my life to be a vapour that disappears in an instant and leaves no trace; I don't want to be grass that dies unnoticed and is forgotten.
Is it just me, or is there something in the human spirit that wants to leave something of ourselves behind? Some legacy?

Negative Command

This week I heard a sports announcer say, "You can't obey a negative command." He said it in the context of an athlete saying, "I can't miss this free throw," or "I can't fail," in some way. He said this a self-defeating practice. Have you ever tried the exercise in which someone says, "Don't think about a big plate of spaghetti," or "Don't think about a pink pig." Yes, we all know that when we entertain images, it's almost impossible NOT to think about them.

I know when I have negative thoughts, I don't like that irritable feeling. I'm uncomfortable, and tell myself, "Don't think about that." Well, I have found out first hand that I cannot obey a negative command.

And so, what is the solution? I must replace the unwanted thoughts with positive ones. Of course, God's Word is best thing to put into my head, or maybe Godly music. But you know, a distraction of any kind can help. Especially something that requires mental concentration.