I Shouldn't Say This

"It's probably none of my business, but..." This is how I started an email message last week. I went on to a carefully worded message in which I tried to deceive myself that I was doing the right thing. I finished, proof-read it, hesitated. "Well, Barbara, is it your business or not?" I deleted the message. Any comment that starts with "It's none of my business,but..." is probably best left unsaid. How about "I really shouldn't...say this...push the snooze button...buy these shoes...eat this pie...watch this program." If you shouldn't, you shouldn't!

How about this one, "If I tell you something, will you promise not to repeat it?" Don't say it and don't listen to it! And above everything, don't promise because it's a promise you likely can't or won't keep. Imagine that the person is going to tell you about a bomb plot, or an assassination scheme, or that he or she is practicing child abuse. Some secrets should not be kept. And when you are tempted to reveal a secret, forbidding your friend to disclose it, think of it this way: If you don't have the discipline to keep the secret, why should you expect your friend to?

Imagine a conversation like this: Mary Ellen comes to me and says, "Don't ever tell her I told you, but Glenda said your grandchildren are not very well behaved--actually she called them brats. I just thought you should know."

I probably wouldn't have the courage to do this, but what I should do in such a setting is to say, "Really? I'm surprised! After all, no kids are better, sweeter, kinder, not to mention smarter than my grandchildren! You know what? I have Glenda's number right here in my cell phone; I think I'll give her a call right now and ask her about this."

Mary Ellen is going to back peddle for sure. Glenda is going to deny that she ever thought such a thing, let alone said it. She is also going to be not a little miffed with Mary Ellen who will never again come to me with such drivel. Success all around!

But what if Mary Ellen refused to disclose that it was Glenda who made such an absurd (from my point of view) assertion. What if she said, "People are saying..."

Then I must say, "Which people is that?"

"Oh, I really couldn't break that confidence." Mary Ellen responds.

I say, "Well, then I have to assume that you, yourself are the people!"

Case closed.

Proverbs is an endless source of advice when it comes to good common sense, including how to control my tongue. I will pick just one small passage to conclude: He that hideth hatred with lying lips, and he that uttereth a slander, is a fool. In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise. Proverbs 10:18-19