What Does It Mean to Forgive?

This post is a work in progress. The question of forgiveness came up at the ladies prayer breakfast on Saturday, and our assignment for the next month is to try to identify exactly was forgiveness looks like.

*What forgiveness is NOT:
   1.  Forgiveness is not minimizing the other person's sin.
   2.  Forgiveness is not placing yourself as a continual victim of abuse.






*What forgiveness IS:
  1. Letting go of any retaliation or punishment.





*Thoughts:
  1. If I am not at peace but am obsessing about the situation, does this mean that I have not really forgiven him or her?
  2. How do I come to terms with the fact that some people are toxic? Is it possible to forgive the person but keep him or her at a safe distance?

Thoughts on High School

Thoughts on High School

July 6, 2012

Too bad we can’t see our school years, particularly those of high school, for what they are while we are going through them. I have often said that education is wasted on the young. When we are children, we are too immature to realize how interesting as well as important school subjects can be, and to be honest, we are naturally lazy! But what I was thinking about recently is that during our school years we are also immature socially. Let’s face it; we are not at our best when we are 16! In fact, we may be at our worst. It is an awkward stage; we are plagued with worries about how we appear to others; we are socially clumsy and maybe physically too. We are overly sensitive about the language and body language of others. Our flaws are exaggerated in our own eyes, and unfortunately, we may take our insecure frustrations out on others. I know I am not proud of all my memories of my own childhood actions. I wish I had been less concerned about what others thought of me and tried harder to make others feel accepted. Maybe this is why high school reunions are so pleasant. We see that most of us turned out OK! Maybe we didn’t succeed or fail the way our high school peers thought we would, but for the most part, I think we turned out to be pretty responsible adults!

Taking Risks

Taking Risks

July 8, 2012

Here we are in farm country. Their life style is all about risks. The weather is the big wild card. And so every summer or fall they have to decide to order the seed and perhaps fertilizer and weed killers and whatever else they may need for the next spring. And let me tell you, the Farmer’s Almanac is not a very reliable indicator of what to expect the next year! And then besides the financial investment which also may include significant costs to purchase and maintain equipment alongwith the inevitable fuel costs, you have the time and effort it takes to put the crop in the ground all the while the big weather unknown looming over you.

But are the farming risks really that different from those in any small business? Or any large business for that matter? Is business the only area of life for which we must take risks in order to succeed?

And then there are other areas of life that involve risk. Relationships are risky. People disappoint us, and we disappoint them. We can’t control everything our children do. The fact is that we control very little! But relationships are worth the risk! We must not be so cautious that we run no risk of disappointment or loss.

Nothing Stays the Same

Nothing stays the same.

July 6, 2012

We are on “vacation” in Iowa. I put that in parentheses because we—my husband and I, my daughter Anna and her husband and two pre-schoolers--are staying with my soon-to-be 89-year-old mother. Don’t get me wrong; I am glad and thankful to be here and to have them all with me, but it is not relaxing for me, what with the shopping, cooking, cleaning up, laundry, etc. But I digress. What started my train of thought was the family picnic on July 4. My cousin Debbie mentioned that it felt funny going to the Carlton Church without Carl being there and to the 4^th celebration without Ray. Earlier in the day, it had crossed my mind that it had not been many years since Gerald, Vernon, Carl, and Ray would have all been there. I commented that nothing stays the same, and it really doesn’t. We shouldn’t expect it to, and we really should try not to feel sad when it doesn’t. Another change we saw that day was that a new generation is coming up. Judy Dobson generously brought toys and costumes for Emily’s kids. Since Anna’s kids were there too, they got to join in the fun. Joey became a knight in shining armor; Nora transformed herself into “bat girl”; and Jackson made the cutest, fiercest little pirate you ever saw! And so, change is not a bad thing. Something in our make-up resists change, and it IS heart wrenching in a way. But we must not let fear and reluctance to change or nostalgia about the past keep us from relishing the present.

Dad

Our Dad

            Jesus said in John 10:10, “I am come that they might have life and that they might have it more abundantly.” Our Dad truly had an abundant life—certainly abundant in years though somehow it’s never enough, and it’s hard to say good-bye.

            Our Dad was a man of faith. Not one to stand up and testify publicly, his was a “behind-the-scenes” kind of testimony. He loved the church and God’s people, and he was generous with his time and resources. Carl Kouba’s imprint can be found all over the church entryway, the fellowship hall, and probably even on the plumbing in the parsonage! We all knew that we would go to church on Sunday, and we have memories of Sunday mornings in the summer when Dad might get up, eat his breakfast, do chores, mow the lawn or wash the car, take a shower, shine his shoes and still make it to Sunday school by 9:30!

            We have to say Dad was best identified as a farmer. Indeed, his fingerprints are on every inch of the family farm. We affectionately admit that, though he was absent-minded about some things—such as where he left his hammer or his glasses—he was very much the perfectionist when it came to his life’s work. He took great pride in beautifully even-sized cattle lined up at the bunk or a 12-inch ear of corn with straight rows, perfectly filled, hard, and dented just right. Like all good farmers, Dad was an amateur meteorologist scanning the evening sky for a bank in the west. Though he always feared we didn’t have enough rain or perhaps a little too much, or the cattle prices or grain prices seemed shaky, the cattle normally flourished, and nearly every year seemed to bring an abundant and satisfying harvest.

            Though Dad’s first love was work—he seemed happiest when he could just get outside and put in a long, hard day on the farm—he did have other interests too. He enjoyed sports of all kinds, including bowling and golf, but he especially loved baseball which he played enthusiastically. As a fan, the Chicago Cubs were his team. It’s hard to believe he waited 95 years, and the Cubs never won a World Series.

            Let’s just say that Dad had many “first loves.” His best love was his family. We never doubted how he felt about our mother. He always thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world. He never changed that opinion, and he couldn’t believe how lucky he was to get her. As his children, we know that he was very much devoted to us as well. Maybe this is best illustrated in his unconditional love and patient caring for our sister Kay. Every push on the swing in the front yard represented his love and care for his family. And then there are the grandchildren and great-grandchildren! He had proud stories about each one, and they continued to bring a smile to his face till the very end.

            Dad’s favorite Bible passage was Rev. 21:4 “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” …You know the reality of this now, Dad. You are rejoicing in glory--please know that we’ll meet you there!

                                            

Love,   

Barbara, Alan, Mark, and Kay

Do It Now

A friend died last week. Actually, I have to say she was a casual friend--someone who came to church occasionally, called occasionally, and with whom I had socialized only rarely. But anyway, the thing that caught my attention was that she was born in 1946--the same year as Laura Bush, George Bush, Bill Clinton and...Barbara Creed! Yikes!

When someone your own age dies, it's a wake-up call, and I know it will happen more and more as the years pass. What am I waking up to? For one thing, the next to go just might be me, and whatever I want to accomplish in this life, I had better do it now!

It seems that we never really feel that our own death is imminent. I know I don't. I always feel that I have lots of time. I always have hope that I will accomplish things in the future. I think that, for the most part, this is healthy. It's not healthy to think that time is unlimited, but it is healthy to make plans for the future. A mature person will rightly believe that he or she has much to live for.

I have much to live for, and so do you. Now let's get started!

What causes fatigue?

"Nothing [is] so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task."
--William James

(via Gretchen Rubin--The Happiness Project)

Do you think William James was right? I do. Someone else (I looked for the quotation, but I'm not sure exactly how it goes or who said it) said something like this: "It's not what you do that makes you tired; it's what you leave undone." I really think this is true too. Even tasks that may seem too little to worry about hang over our heads like big black clouds.

As embarrassing as it is to admit it, I am writing thank you notes from Christmas this week (February 6-12). My goal is to get them out before Valentine's Day! Now there are only a few, and they are not difficult to write...so what's the hold-up? I don't know. It's just one of those things that when the job pops into my head, I say, "I'll deal with that later." Well, later is now. And the undone task does hang over me leaving me feeling defeated. Every time I see one of these sweet people at church, someone who thoughtfully remembered us at Christmas, I would get a pang of guilt. Guilt is exhausting, and so is having to remember things. Once the job is done, you can relax and forget about it.

So I'll let you know when I can forget about this!